Becoming a Quitter

Let’s face it, no one really ever sets out to begin a bad habit that stays with you for way to many years.  This is not the last time I attempted to quit smoking, but I am determined to make it my last time.  I have been called a lot of things over the years, but a quitter has never been one.  However I am looking forward to carrying that moniker.

We all know the health and financial reasons to give up the stupid little cigarettes that we THINK are bringing us 4-5 minutes of joy or relaxation.  Anyone who has ever been a smoker knows the lies we have told everyone else and ourselves.  I have actually come to the realization that my issue, as for many, is not the nicotine.  There is a much more psychological element to it.  As I have stated before I have a vape and felt that would help with the nicotine withdrawal.  Since I have found that I still grab a cigarette from a co-worker or friend until I eventually purchased a pack, hell 2 packs to have on hand.  The first pack was supposed to be the “last pack” again, and the second a break in case of emergency.  How stupid am I really?

I began doing a little thinking and then researching (what I do often), and realized I have never addressed the underlying reasons and feelings I have come to associate with a cigarette.  The moments doing something I know I should not since I try to always do the things I should.  The excuse to stop working or speaking with someone.  Growing up with my parents and my Grandmother smoking so it feels like safety.  Although I quit smoking in my car years ago because it made me nauseous to be in their cars I thought it rude to subject others to that feeling.  See, trying to do the right thing, even while doing wrong.

So now that I have become aware of a need to address the psychological attachment to these expensive and unhealthy little things, what are my many reasons for continuing to feel the need to light up?   Well, there is the feeling of doing something for just me.  Especially these days I rarely do that.  Then there is the social of co-workers and friends.. but I can spend time with them even if I am not smoking.   I really don’t want to be in that clubhouse anymore, but still like the club.

The time to think.  I do a great deal of quiet thinking for those 4-5 minutes.  At times an excuse to leave a situation and regroup.  With the research I have done quickly, I am thinking I may switch that time to meditation.  It would accomplish more and the same in one shot.  With a crazy busy life, I forget to be in the moment.  Listening to all the podcasts I have lately and dealing with the crazy situation involving the father of my daughter, I am too busy out thinking everyone and each situation to be present in the moment.  A great thing to use the 4-5 minutes for.  Also, there are apps for that.  I have OMG I Can Meditate and  Pacifica.  I have done very little with either, but now realize one or both could be the key to me finally being a quitter.

Anyone have any thoughts about their own psychological reason for smoking?


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