To say that today was successful is fairly simplistic in the scheme of things. Helped a neighbor by taking her kids to school in the morning. It’s great to help out another single mother. Not a huge things, but every little bit helps. I’ve been thinking a lot about how great it would be if there was a way to set up a compound for single parents to work together to help raise the children and support each other. If I was more ambitious or had more time, I would throw myself into that project. Alas at this time with all the crazy in my life it is not my ship to steer or create as the case may be.
I saw my personal therapist and discussed the impending meeting later with BA and KK with the co-parenting therapist. We spoke about the meeting and the 900 conversations I have had for the meeting. She suggested I stay quiet. VERY difficult thing for me, but I eventually did a fairly good job of it. She also suggested that I need to stop trying to control the narrative of my life. She spoke about how abnormal my life has been and I agreed, but she said I had taken care to make the abnormal parts feel normal. Not sure how true that is. I just have always chosen to concentrate on what is right and good in things vs focusing on the abnormal. At this point, who has really had a normal life and what does that look like.
For those interested, I left home at the age of 17 and lived in a park near school. I continued to go to school and had a great friend who had also left home and found a place as a live in nanny. She was a year ahead of me and although very different, we found a way to bond and had many adventures. I would have been able to go to relatives houses and even my grandparents, but felt it was better for me to be separate and cut any change of feeling obligated to return to help my mother. Long story short I graduated from a school I never stepped foot in because no one was going to take my diploma from me. My friend who was a nanny allowed me to shower there so I could go to school and helped me in more ways than I think either of us ever realized. So much more to the story, but that was the big moment of making the abnormal normal.
The meeting with KK and BA was short because they were 30 minutes late. Worked out well as it allowed the co-parenting therapist and I to speak. The subpoena for KK was delivered by the therapist but I had a chance to explain why it was there and not sent to her school. KK has been having many issues at school and with her inability to deal with things, it was better it was delivered outside of her job and on a Friday. Always trying to be amicable, at some point I need to stop that.
The co-parenting therapist took great pains to explain that the meeting was not my agenda. I took great pains to ensure KK knew I blamed her for nothing. BA did what he always does and became angry and accusatory of me. To him I have to be the villain. Unfortunately after 2yrs the only people who believe I am are the people who refuse to speak with me. Which I find funny since I hide nothing. I am afraid of no consequences to my choices because I make them with plenty of thought and never lightly. My daughter is counting on me at all times. BA played the martyr and KK found out some of story of what has really been going on. The obvious anger and uncomfortable energy she was exhibiting was more than palpable as she squirmed in her seat. I felt bad for her, but it’s all necessary to help my daughter. KK mentioned that she was in therapy for being weird and that struck me as odd. We are all weird and that is what makes us fun. I stated as much in the session.
The co-parenting therapist served the subpoena and I explained why she was receiving it at that time, in hopes that KK would understand that I really do not wish her harm in any way. I just want the crazy to be over. BA was ranting about reducing custody and how much time he would lose while trying to justify telling a 6yr old he is a babysitter and trying to justify telling a 6yr old that things would be easier if…. and KK was becoming more and more angry and upset. Rightfully so, but this is why her burying her head in the sand had exasperated the situation.
So to me getting some of the truth out is success. We are set for a 4hour session. @hrs with the adults, and 2 hours with my daughter. The lies will die in this time. So I decided to celebrate with sushi and cab. Hopefully my daughter can have the life she is meant to have and BA can get better with us all working together. It will take time and a bit more of the crazy, but I choose hope.