I have been periodically dipping my toe in, and there is so much to sift through each time. I know who I am, what I want, and I DEFINITELY know what I don’t want. It’s not a picky thing, just a no longer willing to deal with people who need fixing. That also goes with friends as well. Being in my early 40’s and having gone through all I have, there is no need for me to keep helping people who are permanently lost.
When it comes to dating there are so many people out there that just are not ready for what I am. And quite frankly I am not even sure if I am willing to put in the work to find the right person, or even the person for right now. Online dating has no many pitfalls and crazy things. I can’t believe the scams I run across. For instance, the number of men currently in Africa for business or the military is astounding. Or the worst was a guy I was talking to for a minute who had to leave the country for a business trip to London, I think. Anyways when he came back he tried giving me some crazy story about not being able to stay in the country unless he came up with money and he even offered to sign over his Mercedes to me until he could pay me back. Talk about elaborate. Someone must have or is falling for this garbage or they would not keep trying it. Wake up ladies and pay attention. It’s sad to me that there are so many desperate women who fall for things like this.
When did it become a woman’s job to support or take care of men instead of a partnership? And more importantly, why are so many women okay with this? Look at BA and KK. BA flat-out stated, “how else am I supposed to get a car or house unless I marry for it?”. Look, her parents helped him get a car and they were looking at houses until BA became unemployed in January (it’s not June with no job). Even when he was working, his name would have never been on the house because of his credit. Including a repo on his report for a car he blew up and still owes 3k on. Plus the child support issues he created. I would never be with a man who was okay with being unemployed for 6 months or more. However many women are because they are afraid of being alone.
Then I often meet women who have had multiple marriages and working on another with a guy that seems to have his stuff together. Makes me wonder what the hell? How do you marry multiple times and not take a look at yourself to see what is it with you that is causing an end.
Back to topic, dating. How do you find someone of substance these days? Dating apps are filled with scam artists, desperately lonely, and yet to grow up options. There have been a few articles I have come across that states that many are afraid to approach someone in public because of the advent of dating apps. For me it’s always been the issue that I am not the girl you meet and want, I am the girl you meet, get to know and eventually want. I know who I am and accept that fact. However does that mean in this high-tech dating culture I am left to choose between the broken or the unstable children? Or is that more a product of the age range I am in?
I was on a site that was supposed to eliminate some that, didn’t work. One of the guys I met turned out to be a 45yr old STILL living at home with mommy (moving back after divorce can be forgiven) and trying to find a relationship. It took no time at all before finding out he has never left home. His answer, “I hate apartments”. My answer, we are not in the same place in life and have nothing to communicate about. Ultimately he is looking for another mommy and had a million excuses for it. Nope, not going to do it. At 45 you should have your own place, your own bills, and a viable job. He would never understand what it is like to try to keep a roof over your head, no less a child’s head or any of the other struggles an adult goes through.
Then there are the ones who try to tell me how awesome or special I am before we ever meet. Or the ones that talk incessantly about essentially making out all the time. Yeah, the first means scam or desperation, the second means booty call. I once when on a date with a guy who made me laugh about all sorts of things on the phone, and in person spoke mostly about his bunions!!!! UGH!! Then there was the reformed party guy who has decided as the youngest of many children he better find someone to marry at the this point being over 40. I knew it wasn’t going to work out when he said I was “thick”, but I gave him a chance anyways. Yep, no. When EVERYONE at the bar knows you, that is a bad sign. I know PA tends to have a lot of townies, but come on, live a little.
Then there is the scheduling of such things. It’s great how many I can weed out because my daughter is my priority. If you don’t understand that, then there is no reason to speak further. I am very capable of being alone and don’t mind it so much. Would I like to be in a relationship, sure, but not just for the sake of being in a relationship. To be in a relationship out of fear of being alone or with someone you do not have partnership with, to not have that connection of being able to sense when the other person is truly happy or upset…… I won’t do without that. I would rather be single than be in a roommate situation.
However I doubt I will be alone forever. It’s been a good year and a half break from dating. Needed to reset after the last catastrophe. I have had a few customers ask me out, but that generally seems like a bad idea unless there is a big click. I would not date someone I work in the same building in. That has always been a rule since there are too many things that can go wrong. So apps to weed out the bad ones. A friend and I were going through some of the options and I came across a picture and said, “If you have cup holders in your couch it’s a non-starter”, and she just about died!! Am I too picky?
Ultimately I am looking for a good stable guy to be a partner. He has things he is weak in (and can admit it), but I am strong in and visa versa. Someone with their own job and life where we can compliment each other and build each other up. Someone not looking to be fixed or to fixed anyone else. He doesn’t have to make a lot of money, but has to be able to support himself as I support myself. Have a place to live on his own, his own car, and willing to go on crazy trips to nowhere just to see what happens. No criminal background or intentions. Someone honest and loyal who is done pretending or trying to prove something to someone else. No one will ever come before my daughter in anything and they must understand that. I will never NEED them, but want them in my life and they should understand why that is better and more precious.
So where do I find said man? Open to suggestions.