Negativity/Complaining Destroys Problem Solving

While listening to one of my podcasts (Hello Freedom) concerning complaining, I began to think about all the ways that I have become one of THOSE people.  I have always prided myself on being a pragmatist, but always looking for the best while preparing for the worst.  If you met me in real life I would elicit one of two reactions. Love or hate and really nothing in between, and I like it that way.  I am blunt and to the point.  I can see issues with any situations.  Unfortunately I am often able to predict outcomes because there are patterns to people and situations.  Once you learn the basic patterns you build upon them and then you can safeguard the outcomes of most situations.  The biggest thing I have always prided myself on is knowing when I don’t know enough to know.  There are tons of things I do not know and I am proud of the fact that I am always learning.  I am also proud of the fact that I am always giving the benefit of doubt even when people do not deserve it. My Co-Parenting Therapist has called it my most annoying trait when it comes to BA.  However I feel that as of late I have become lost down the rabbit hole of negativity in a need to safeguard my life from the crazy.

So in listening to this podcast it has gotten me thinking and trying to be more cognitive of my thoughts and words.  In this podcast the host also points out that complaining is one of the easiest and fastest ways to bond with someone new.  Think about it, we bond faster with someone complaining.  That is just insane.  Who wants to always be looking at or discussing what is wrong?  Especially when the world and people are so much fun in general.  Yes, many of both are intolerable, but most are not. So why are we more apt to bond over negative?

There are many studies and articles written about the fact that negativity and complaining damages the hippocampus which is where we problem solve.  There have even been some linked to the negativity in the news causing the same damage as personally complaining or listening to someone else complain for 30 minutes.  When did misery become life?

Personally I do not listen to the news because I do not find it credible or complete these days.  Too much of the United States News is being controlled by a small number of people and none of it is complete.  When I do listen or read the news, I make a point of researching corresponding information from other countries.  It is amazing how quickly you realize just how incomplete  everyone is based on what they are trying to accomplish.  The news is supposed to be factual and as complete as possible.  Not a whisper down the lane personal view of events.

Then there are the family members and friends who have absolutely nothing to say if it is not sad or angry. This is where I think I have been dreadfully not myself as of late.  The past 2.5yrs have been a psychotic menagerie of court crazy and gas lighting that has left me speaking with anyone I can in an attempt to ensure I am not the one losing their marbles.  In this search for truth and sanity, I have become THAT person.  The divorce’ that talks about the crazy more than the future.  Who plans ways around the next crazy rather than planning the future.  Although, luckily never married, I have still become THAT person.  To everyone I have ever spoken with in the last 2.5yrs…. My biggest heartfelt apology and commitment to stopping.  You all also have my gratitude for putting up with it for so long.

The big thing is, why are we choosing angry and negative.  If you don’t like something, change it.  You are not a tree, therefore not stuck where you are.  I think many of us have fallen into that false sense of community that can come from jumping on an angry or negative bandwagon.  I think these days there are so many crazy things going on that are out of our control, it just becomes easier to give in.  So how do we change it?

First thing is recognize you are doing it and figure out what is triggering it in you personally.  I’ve told you mine.  Second is to figure out what you can do instead.  My daughter and I started a Gratitude Journal in the beginning of the year.  However the daily up keep was not practical and I inadvertently allowed it to fade into oblivion.  Maybe one a week or month would work better for us.  What about every time we thought to say something angry or negative, we attempted to find something happy or positive instead?  What if we each walked outside, took a breath, and thought a happy thought twice a day?  I also find listening to music with flavor (for me Latin Pop) helps to positively charge my thoughts.

I like my ability to problem solve, I’m damn good at it in crazy ways.  More importantly I want my daughter to be happy, positive and able to problem solve.  I do not want her walking around thinking life is hard and dark and miserable.  Doesn’t mean I want her to blind or simple like KK either.  I just want her…. and everyone to be happy and bright.

Any other ideas to increase the positivity  in the world?


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